She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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