Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
