Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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