This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
