Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
