9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
