from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
