He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
