Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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