with your own penis?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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