how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
