I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
