piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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