I heard we made out
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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