That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
