Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
FUCK WHALES
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