Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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