so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Small penises have feelings too.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
