Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Randomize
