Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
