I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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