when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
