Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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