i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
