Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
