tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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