Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She's the barista slut.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize