worst night to have a conscience
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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