his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize