I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
