Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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