and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
