found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
