If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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