every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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