Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
