On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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