Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
