i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
