i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
