I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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