Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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