can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
