You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
