I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
