i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Houston, we have a blender
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
