Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize