I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
