i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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