I need help removing her.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
