Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
