So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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