I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
