after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
