The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize