i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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