I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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