I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
