the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
