super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I could make wine with my vomit
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
