sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
