Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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