meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
