so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
