Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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