I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
