I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
