I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize