If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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