she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
