What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Randomize
