She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
