i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
