He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
