smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
