I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
