this just has baby written all over it
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
