i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
