they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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