my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
