So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
