I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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