no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
