I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
