So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
