God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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