you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dick very happy bro
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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