Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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