so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
