Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize