Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
