I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
