if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
