somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
